Uhhhhh... what?

Holy crap! It's been a whole year. The last thing I remember was cleaning out the Carbon Freeze chamber and accidentally leaning on the button that said, "DO NOT PUSH".

So let me get this straight. The mouse now owns Vader's ass and Lucas Arts it toast?

I have a hunch that when Disney saw the Star Wars license had been whored to the Angry Birds franchise they decided to step up to the plate and pull the whole damn thing out of the insane nose-dive it was in.

Thank you Disney.

Yeah, you canned The Clone Wars and gave everyone at Lucas Arts their walking papers but I know you'll turn this ship around and get her back on course.

And J.J. Abrams at the helm of Episode VII sounds too good to be true. His reboot of the Star Trek franchise was beyond all expectations and this summer's sequel Into Darkness is going to be phenomenal. At last Trekkies/Trekkers and Star Wars fans can set aside their age-old grudges and rejoice in the rebirths of their beloved franchises with singular gratitude. We're family now.

It's also reportedly true that  Ford and Fisher are on board for the new trilogy with Hamill not so certain as of yet (but, come on, you know he'll do it).

There is also talk of one-shot Star Wars flicks not anchored to the Trilogies. Details are vague with everyone guessing who the movie(s) will focus on. Fett? Obi Wan? Ahsoka? I'm betting Ahsoka will get her own movie with young Fett being part of the story arc. Why else would Disney put and end to The Clone Wars series so abruptly? Ahsoka has been a staple of the Disney Star Wars Weekends since it's inception and they just can't let her fade into oblivion. Can they?

Thankfully that ass-hat of a director Michael Bay who butchered the Transformers and is now intent on sodomizing the Ninja Turtles has not been mentioned to have any ties thus far. I peed a little when I first hear Zack Snyder was going to helm one of the movies but I believe that was all just early fan-boy chatter that amounted to nothing but a half-used box of tissues.

Some folks are concerned with the whole Disney take-over but I know Star Wars is now in the right hands. I've thoroughly enjoyed the films Disney has been putting out lately and for the most part they've taken off those big puffy white kid-gloves and learned to make movies for adults that remind them how awesome it is to be young.

Take it from the Topps

Card collecting isn't normally my thing.

Alright, that's a lie. I do collect cards but I'm not very good at it so my interest level is hit and miss on a good day. It's extra funny if you consider that I actually work for a trading card company that produces some rather nice merchandise. No, it's not Topps, Upper Deck or Panini.

When I was young I had the blue Star Wars cards and the Red/Yellow/Green The Empire Strikes Back cards but that was way back in the day when cards were cheap and the coolest thing, besides the stick of gum, that you pulled from a pack was a sticker! Now Star Wars cards run you $4 per pack and you get the chance of pulling things like an autograph or a sketch card. The odds are generally pretty slim unless you happen to buy cards by the box or case where you can be guaranteed a "hit".

I tried a box of the Widevision Clone Wars cards a couple of years ago and pulled probably one of the worst, half-assed attempt at a sketch card ever done. That was $65 out the window. What I learned that day was that if you are going to spend money on card collecting forget about breaking boxes and head to eBay. I managed to get all 7 autographs from the series for a little more than what I paid for the box... and I picked up a couple of really nice sketch cards too.

So this brings me to Topps with their Star Wars Galaxy 7 series. You don't normally find this set at retail level but I stumbled across a couple boxes at Toys R Us. It's a nice set chalk-full of wonderful artist rendered cards but $4 per pack is still pretty steep for this cheap bastard. Regardless, curiosity got the better of me and I bought a few packs. A few too many.

But this story has a happy ending. Perhaps it was the luck of February 29 or just the Force guiding me along my merry way but I made some extremely nice pulls after hitting every Toys R Us in a 50 km radius.



I love these cards. These definitely showcase the talent that is out there and I applaud them for taking the time to create something worthwhile. Charles Hall, Gary Kesele and Eli Rutton are all huge names in the sketch card industry and it's nice to actually have them in my collection. I will cherish them always or at least until I flip them on eBay so I can buy even more Star Wars crap!

And the money just keeps on rolling in...

I hate to say it but, "Thank the Maker" that there are enough Star Wars crazies out there who will run to the theatre and watch The Phantom Menace in 3D. I can't even watch it on BluRay so never mind me attempting to stay awake with a hideous pair of glasses strapped to my face... no-sir-eee!

The worst film in the history of the franchise grossed over 100 million dollars (US dollar conversion) globally in it's short stint in the theatres which, for a moment, caused me to really look around and question the group of people I generally get associated with.

There is only one explanation for the small success of this 3D venture that I can come up with; There are enough die-hard fans out there so desperate to see Lucas convert the Original Trilogy into 3D that they are willing to sit through the prequels again in order to ensure its eventuality.

Good for them. I will thank them personally when I'm in line at the premier of Star Wars: A New Hope in 3D.

Dear Mr. Lucas

Can you spare some change?

Apparently the nine-disc Star Wars The Complete Saga generated more than $84 million in worldwide sales since it's release on Sept 16th, 2011 making it the No. 1 pre-order and catalog title since the introduction of Blu-ray in 2006.

The Complete Saga unleashed on Blu-ray

Today is the day the Saga goes HD and if you haven't picked up your Blu-ray copy from Walmart, Best Buy, Zellers, Future Shop or Toys R Us yet what the heck are you waiting for? The next special edition? Pfffffffft.


Aside from the universe altering release of the Complete Star Wars Saga on Blu-ray another cool tidbit that hit the shelves exclusively at Walmart today was the Blu-ray Lego Star Wars: The Padawan Menace. It's a fun, short, animated Lego adventure featuring a young brick named Han Solo. Is this a prelude to actually getting the young Solo as a legitimate character in Season 4 of The Clone Wars? Fingers crossed. At least we have him as a Lego Minifigure (included exclusively with the Blu-ray/DVD combo set) for now.

No, I was not kidnapped by Wookies!

It has been a few days since I last posted and I know I said I would continue shedding light on the evil that is Obi-Wan Kenobi but, truth be told, the Blu-ray set launches in a few more days and I will do my research then rather than watch the movies on plain old DVD.

In the meantime I decided to start doing Flashback images of my original Kenner action figures from 1977 and so forth. I thought it would be fun to compare the "Now and Then" look of these figures with their more modern counterparts. Of course there are on occasion several newer versions of these figures but I will be choosing the one I feel best represents the character with the most advancements in sculpt, articulation and overall coolness.

First up; Momaw Nadon or "Hammerhead" if you care to stick to the 1978 naming convention.


It was probably my love of Hammerhead sharks as a kid that made this particular Cantina denizen a favorite of mine. Sure, he only had a few seconds of screen time but he was cool none-the-less. Being an alien in a seedy Tatooine bar Kenner chose to include a blaster accessory with the figure when it was originally released but that was long before any sort of back-story was created. Fast-forward a few years and we eventually learn Momaw Nadon is a pacifist and former Ithorian High Priest with a fondness for sheltering Rebel operatives on Tatooine. The 2006 version of the character from Hasbro saw fit to give Nadon a priestly staff along with a cantina beverage glass and an end table (not shown). Although there are more accessories and the 2006 version is a far more superior sculpt there is only one extra point of articulation (his waist) over the five points (neck, arms x2, legs x2) found on the 1978 counterpart. Perhaps Momaw Nadon will see another update in the future with the SA (Super Articulation) treatment so he can actually pull up a stool and have a seat at the bar.

Obi-Wan is a Rat-Bastard

This has been on my mind for a very long time and, at the risk of being banned from all my Star Wars forums, I think it's about time I shared it: Obi-Wan Kenobi is a conniving rat-bastard. In fact, after much reflection, I believe he is the true Phantom Menace that spans the entire Star Wars Saga.

Oh, sure, he didn't start out that way. Not at all. Like most young Jedi Padawans he was an eager, do-gooder following his Master's every whim without hesitation. Posing as diplomats he followed Qui-Gon Jin into an obvious and potentially deadly trap above the planet Naboo without even breaking a sweat. He didn't question his Master's judgement, unlike the rest of us, when they hooked up with the Gungan idiot known as Jar Jar Binks on Naboo. And when they were forced to make an emergency landing on Tatooine he sat with the ship like a good boy while his Master gallivanted around town, dining with locals and gambling at sporting events. These few examples speak of his kind and exceedingly loyal character which is, ultimately, the fruit that spoils and turns bitter.

When does it happen? Truthfully I don't think the moment is actually on screen but I am certain a sense of worry started to fester the moment Obi-Wan realized his master had found someone with an off-the-chart Midichlorian count. The distain is evident in his words after the Boonta Eve Classic podrace where Qui-Gon announces he is "going back for unfinished business and won't be long".

"Why do I sense we have picked up another pathetic life-form?"

It's at the 1:11:22 mark on The Phantom Menace DVD and don't let that half-smile fool you. Obi-Wan knows his days as Master's Pet are numbered.

Skip to the 1:29:22 mark on the same DVD. Obi-Wan tries to persuade Qui-Gon into forgetting about Anakin. "He's too old", he says. "He will not pass the council's tests, Master." It's nothing but salt on the wounds when Qui-Gon replies, "Anakin will become a Jedi, I promise you." Yeah, twist that knife you pompous old goat.

So there it begins. After years of being the loyal dog Obi-Wan is cast aside for "The Chosen One", in front of the Jedi council no less, when Qui-Gon insists he will train Anakin (1:33:33). To make matters worse he loses any opportunity for closure when a tattooed Sith kills his callous mentor and leaves him with nothing but the task of training the boy himself. The boy who came between him and his Master. The boy who stands on the pedestal of "The Chosen One". The boy who is undeniably irritating to have any sort of conversation with.

What does a calm and collected young Jedi do at this point? He plots. That's what he does. He plots and he waits because the future is filled with twisted opportunities. I'll break those opportunities down for you now that I have established the motive.

Attack of the Clones

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Obi-Wan and Anakin are like two peas in a pod. The deception has been mastered over the course of ten years and Anakin is none the wiser. It would not shock me if Anakin's Padawan duties included scrubbing toilets and trimming Obi-Wan' excess hair. "You will learn your place young one."

Picking away at the weak points. Obi-Wan can't simply kill Anakin as it wouldn't fare well to be known as the Jedi who offed "The Chosen One". Instead he constantly belittles and criticizes Anakin's progression as a Padawan. Anakin's own words: "I'm ready for the trials. But he feels that I'm too unpredictable. He won't let me move on. He's overly critical. He never listens, he doesn't understand. It's not fair." "He's Holding me back."

Get the Girl. Nothing cuts deeper than undermining the affections of a woman. Obi-Wan knows Anakin is sweet on Padme and lets the relationship blossom in secrecy for use at a later time.

An Eye for an Eye. Anakin took Obi-Wan's Master so Obi-Wan took Anakin's mother. According to the tale told by Cliegg Lars it was a band of Tusken Raiders that kidnapped Anakin's Mother Shmi. I say Obi-Wan paid to have them do it. He's very familiar with the seedy characters in the Uscru Entertainment District of Coruscant so the ability to hire thugs is not out of his means. It's evil genius.

Get Somebody Else To Do Your Dirty Work. Great idea. Fake an injury and let Count Dooku take a crack at "The Chosen One". Even Dooku comments on how surprisingly lackluster Obi-Wan's skills are during the climactic confrontation. If Yoda hadn't intervened the plan would have gone off without a hitch and Anakin would have lost more than an arm.

Revenge of the Sith

Let's Try That Again. The Dooku idea was so good Obi-Wan tries it again only this time he allows himself to get pinned under some falling debris and conveniently goes unconscious. One might begin to think Kenobi and Dooku have some sort of a side deal going on. Unfortunately Anakin has gotten stronger with his angry ways and actually defeats The Count. Crap.

Second Verse, Same as The First. Again the gist of the plot is to constantly make Anakin feel unworthy. Screw with him. Stick him with the Poster Boy duties rather than important Jedi matters. Getting Anakin's "Master" title denied though granting him a position on the council is icing on the cake. Obi-Wan can barely stifle a laugh when that happens.

Breaking the Code. Padme is the ace up Obi-Wan's sleeve. His secret weapon. Watch the signs. Padme has a reason for not telling Anakin she's having twins: They might be Obi-Wan's kids (or at least one of them). Seriously. She's either deliberately keeping the secret until she knows for certain or she has the worst obstetrician in the entire universe. Basic prenatal care would have shown that she had twins without a doubt. You see? Anakin has a right to be suspicious when he questions her about Obi-Wan's solo visits. The truth is revealed on the Mustafar platform as Obi-Wan's treachery pulls the rug out from under Anakin. "Liar! You are with him! You brought him here to kill me!", bellows Anakin. Obi-Wan actually succeeds in crushing Anakin's heart and gets him to force-choke most of the life out of his true love. Breaking Guy-Code is simply devious and it cuts much deeper than any lightsabre.

Let Him Burn. Forget about the long-winded battle through the lava fields of Mustafar. The point of this is that having defeated Anakin, Obi-Wan let's Anakin burn. Literally. He could have been merciful and killed him outright instead of just loping off all his limbs. Nope. Obi-Wan just turns his back and walks away while Anakin bursts into flames on the bank of a lava filled river. And the anguish in Obi-Wan's voice when he cries out, "You were The Chosen One" is not really about the course of the Jedi. It is the repressed torment of having been replaced so long ago.

I told you he was a rat-bastard.

But it doesn't end there. Anakin survives the barbeque of the prequels and lives on under the protection of the Empire as Darth Vader. I'll talk about Obi-Wan's continued quest to settle the score during the Original Trilogy tomorrow. The lies and deceit are extra awesome.